Daddy Moments

My dad's not a touchy feely kinda person. We never really talk or talked when I was growing up. He doesn't ask me about my life for the most part. When we're together, we coexist fairly amicably, but we don't have conversations about the depths of philosophy, or about much of anything to be perfectly frank.

However, there are those "daddy moments" when we do something together-a special connection that are unique and something I treasure so much. For example, when he got a new piece of stereo equipment he'd come knock on my door (well, he doesn't really knock, just kinda opens it--but it sticks enough for me to have ampl warning haha) and he'll be like, "Come listen to this." And even though there's not much emotion in it, I can tell that he's excited about his new toy and wants to show it off. He'll put on my favorite cd from growing up: Kenny Loggins "Return to Pooh Corner" and we'd sit in the dark and listen.

Occaisionally he'll talk-something'll spark a memory and he'll tell me about something that happened to him. But they have to be unprompted and spontaneous. Those are priceless little nuggets.

Today, we had another one. He comes in the kitchen this morning while my mom is starting the Thanksgiving preparations and is like, "I wanna make biscuits." And my mom said, "Why don't you wait til tomorrow when the kitchen's free?" But he wanted to make them today. Now, you must understand that my dad is not the cook of the family. The only thing he makes is egg McMuffins on Sundays after church. So he had to wait til the pumpkin pie was out of the oven and then he came to find me in my room, which I wasn't in. I found him in the hallway though, right outside my room and was like, "I can help you." And he said, "Yes you are helping me." Haha.
He was so lost in the kitchen. "Where's this?" "Where's that?" "How do I cut the shortening in to the flour?" "What's it supposed to look like?" Haha. He was so funny. So I was in the kitchen reading him the recipe and telling him where stuff was and how to do different things. It was so cute.

One of the spontaneous Daddy moments--priceless and treasured. *warm fuzzies*

D*sire

(insert title here)

So, I'm studying in this room with Brian and we are talking about blogs. So now I am gonna write one!
I told him that I really liked his blog regarding jiu-jitsu (I hope I spelled that right!). He talked so much about how much he liked it. And I think that's cool. I like when people do things that they love. Like people who really like chess and think about moves that they would use in a future game. Or people who love sports so much that they look like it. Man, I love that. Like those Gatorade commercials where the athletes start to sweat different colors and have this mean mugging look like they are going to bite someone's face off. But they keep it on the court, like a real athlete should. I wish that everyone could just do what they want and like it. I wish that everyone had that burning feeling they get when they got lost in what they are doing. Like when piano players start to wrinkle their faces and sway when the music takes them. Man, that's cool. Now I know that everybody says you have to do what the world tells you to do and such, but I just want to put it out there. And, also, I respect people who do that. Who do what they want. But I know you can't. Eh well.
And I wish the people who sympathise with me on this one could hear it.

"Limit to Your Love"

So I was listening to Feist's "Limit to Your Love" and I started tearing up a little bit. I still have a lump in my throat, and I'm still not sure why it's there.

Here's a link to a good live version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyifHsGAwnI

I hope you have good day, oh reader =)

-jchoc

In response to "I'm Never Sorry I Met You"

However, there's a fine line between healthy self confidence and annoying cockiness. And most people (or those that I know) tend to err on the side of too little rather than too much.

You never see yourself the same way that others see you. I can tell you til I'm blue in the face that you're a beautiful, amazing person (and it is the utter truth)

But when you say the same to me, it's really hard to believe you.

Because when it comes to me, there are things about me that you just don't know.

And I can't afford to be wrong about me, whereas I can about you (which is not to by any means negate the above mentioned claim about you--this is just a principle issue). Although I suppose that's just a defense mechanism; however, it's one that I cannot change. I don't know if I need to.

I think a good dose of humbleness would do us (and our nation) a bit of good--a good dose of reality and where we stand in relation to it and to God and to each other.

As I said initially, a balance between confidence and cockiness.

I'm never sorry that I've met you

Self-esteem issues really suck.

There.

And not just mine, but others.
Others who think that they are not beautiful.
Others who think any real man/woman would never fall for them.
Others who think that they are too fat or too skinny and need to lose weight.
Those who think that they have to base themselves to get friends or boys/girls not worth having.
Those who believe that Love could never truly exist.
Those who want to believe it, but are too afraid to try. (I know, I do it too.)
Those who don't think that anyone takes notice of who they for who they are.

People who want to hold onto what they know, even when it hurts, instead of taking a step forward and TRUSTING that what is out there can't be all that bad.

Yeah, those are whom I mean.

I write this because I know these fears too, but I also hear them from others who have the same type of battles.

I wish I could be more eloquent,
but I want you to hear it anyway.

-Jchoc

Okay again

I should be making notes for an exam, but I just want to add to my dear buddy's post regarding her conversation with our God Almighty.
Sometimes man, it's so hard to wait on God because our humanness gets in the way of His plan. I can't always understand how He could choose me for any part of His plan when I get so impatient waiting. It's like a little kid who gets one simple speaking part in a school play, and all the little boy can think about is when his part is going to come. He keep asking the teacher, "Do I say it now? How about now? When is my turn? What am I supposed to do again?" And yes, that's me. In relationships, a future career, becoming mature both emotionally and spiritually. All of that. Sometimes I want to talk to God about it just one. more. time. but then I think, He's probably up to here (place hand slightly below top of head for visual example) with me. And then I remember that I'm not even worthy to BE in this huge, spiritually, all-encompassing "play" (to continue the metaphor). That one gets me. BUT THEN it comes back that God wants me here anyway. He picked me not because I was worth it according to my standards, but because of I was worth it according to HIS Love. Man, now THAT one gets me.
Ugh. Being a Christian isn't just "angels and fluffy clouds". It's a pretty tough road, and that's why the road is so narrow.

This just happened

So I just had a great time at Wally-World.
For some reason, I felt like I was remembering a feeling that I had had before but somehow lost in the urgency and busyness of life. It felt absolutely comfortable. I don't know how I can get it back, or even if it will stay. Just saying that it was definitely there.
I hope happiness is something that I don't have to keep on chasing...

Talking with God--Y'all can eavesdrop if you want

God,

I’m just gonna be real with you—I want someone.

I want someone that will hold me in his arms.
I want someone that will fight me when I need comfort and don’t want it.
I want someone that will let me complain to him and not think any less of me for being petty.
I want someone that will argue with me (tactfully) and not get walked all over.
I want someone that will lean in close to check my temperature.
I want someone that will build the drum roll.
I want someone that will love You with an intense passion.
I want someone in whom I can fall in love with You.
I want someone who will bear with me watching the same things over and over and forgetting things just as often
I want someone to try new things with but also to enjoy the quietness of the familiar.
I want someone that will watch over me, that I know will be a strong sure presence in my life—on whom I can lean
But I want someone that I don’t put in Your place, but rather who brings me to the place where You are—and where I need to be.

And as difficult as it is, I’m going to try and wait as best as I can until You say the time is right, because You always know so much better than I do, even though I don’t always realize it at the time.

*sigh*
But it’s sure hard.

-D*sire-

I just realized that I really only think alot when I'm exceptionally stressed. So while I'm nice and happy and chill right now, it doesn't ever produce much creative product.

So it's a toss up:
I'm happy when I'm relaxed but I'm creating when I'm not.

-D*sire-