Well, I figured I would write a catch-up on how the bloggers of this forsaken blog are doing. One (not me) is happily in a really great doctoral program in a paradise with happy people and all types of relationships. Lucky for both of us is that, although neither of us is in our hometowns, we are a simple two hours distance away from each other. Which is really nice when one gets lonely. =)
Well for my piece, I am instead in a Master’s program that should lead to a PhD. Well, “could” lead to a PhD. Who knows. Funding here sucks and the place sucks, so yeah, probably not going there for a possible doctorate. I can’t say this kind of stuff on facebook for example because I now have many a friend on there who goes to my school. Actually, my professors, peers, advisor, family, and even friends would be appalled to hear this next bit: Sometimes I don’t think grad school is all it’s cracked up to be. I used to think it was the program in which I am currently enrolled, and, if that were the case, that’s okay because I plan on getting a doctorate in something else. So, in spite of what follows it could be the program, and that is fixable. The thing is though, whenever I go to dinner with people from my class on Monday nights, go to these mixer things (because if I don’t, I won’t leave the apartment), or listen to people talk about their research, I get this sense of dread and thoughts start running through my head like: “What are the heck are they talking about and how does that relate to anything practical? Does anything I say relate to anything practical?” and then, specifically when they talk about their graduate school life, I think “Can I really do this kind of stuff for 5-7 more years? Why isn’t this interesting anymore?” So, what I’m saying is…ehh I don't know.
I should be thankful really. I am really lucky to be here. There are nice people here, and people are obviously very smart. Someday I'll be that too. I guess right now I'm humbled by all the brains around me.
I really really miss all of my friends, and man, they are the best a person could ask for--they humble me by how much they express their love. I don't know. God really, really decided to be nice and give me them. I've told a few how I've felt, and they've been pretty supportive. The funny thing is, these people make living here both bearable and unbearable.
Bearable because, for many, we chat and it's as if nothing's changed. They, sadly, make it unbearable because whenever I get off the phone or sign off, I remember that I'm not there with them.
Dang, that sounds pretty sad I'm sure. BUT it's more reason to keep on keeping on, so I can get out of here and hopefully (Ojala!) be lame and come right back there to get a doctorate. Not lame--just not good at saying bye. =) AND if I for some reason can't go back (b/c things usually will never be like it used to be), that's okay too. As long as I'm not getting a doctorate here... I am trying really hard to like it here, and I’m not avoiding interaction. I have to stick it out. And I will. Three more semesters, and I’m out.
Jchoc-it-up-to-I'm-probably-just-homesick
