Thirty Yards

So I was driving back to Texas yesterday with this as my backdrop:


Beautiful huh?

On the way back I had a nice long conversation with God... which was so nice (just rather unfortunate that it takes me being a captive audience to get me to stop long enough to listen... *note to self* must work on that). It feels so nice to be honest about everything and to know that He knows about everything, cares about it, and holds it all in His hands.

He reiterated to me that I am NOT in charge of my life; I do NOT have to figure it out by myself. It's like the fog that was blanketing the road last night: I can only see about thirty yards ahead of me, but that's all I really need for the time being. He continues to reveal the next thirty yards when I get there, but I have to take it thirty yards at a time; that's exactly the amount presented to me at a time (no more, no less).

I'm so worried about careers and jobs and family and marriage--if and when and how these will all work out--but I feel this peace about next year, that somehow He's already got it all worked out. Even though on some level, only having two school options freaks me out (like putting all my fragile eggs in one basket), but I know that He will direct me one step at a time. I believe that He's leading me to one of the two grad schools I'm looking at, and if He is, then everything will fall into place; therefore, no need to worry. And if He isn't, I don't want to be there anyway--I don't want anything but what He wants (although I will admit that letting these go would be quite the faith-trying time for me; but if that's what He has planned for me then bring it). It's such a relief to know that my future is in hands more capable than my own (much MUCH more capable). I just need to listen and trust... and follow those thirty yards as He reveals them.

She inspired me

I wish I could write like a certain person I know. Her words are down to earth and homey and easy to understand. And that's what writing should do. Communicate. I read this line from an apparently controversial play called Oleanna. This guy named John says in regards to simple conversation such as commenting on the weather:

"...it is the essence of human communication. I say something conventional, you respond, and the information we exchange is not about the 'weather,' but that we both agree that we are both human"

I thought it was pretty cool. Communication is all about agreeing that we are human. It's what separates us from all else living. The ability to think, to question, to criticize, to argue, to complain, to laugh, to laugh harder, to scream at each other's faces, to agree or understand, or even understand that we'll never understand, to love, to really love and not be afraid, to sacrifice for another, to be strong in spite of how we feel, to be high self monitors, or not even realize we are low self monitors, to have family, to have friends, to have loves, and do this whole life thing every single day whenever we just want to turn over and go back to sleep.

But really, writing and speaking are two things we can't live without. And I guess that's the moral of this blog. Ha

-- jchoc, yo

oh, and apparently "flowing" is pretty cool too. I know two people who wish they could do it. haha :P

I signed up to take the LSAT today. Hooray.

-jchoc

Making Deviled Eggs

It's always a bit sad but nostalgic when you have to start doing your childhood traditions alone. Welcome to the grown up world.