Blah-ddy Blah Blah

I think I have this notion in my mind that if I try my hardest, everything in life will eventually make sense. And maybe, due to circumstances that keep accumulating as I near graduation from college, I’m really supposed to learn the hard way that many times things just won’t. Make sense, that is. Deep, deep down inside of me I have discovered a perfectionist who finds the details in the chaos (just look at any aspect of my desk, hair, composure, etc…pretty much chaos) But to me it makes sense. All of it makes sense. People make sense. Situations make sense. Circumstances make sense. But more and more however, I am finding that all of these things will not make sense no matter how hard I try to make it so. A friend of mine told me that you pretty much have to just let things go and let time or the circumstance mend itself. While this would be the easiest, truer option, it is not easy to an inner perfectionist.

Relationships…family…career…status quo…staying “cool” under tough circumstances: all stuff I cannot understand. And yet, maybe I’m not supposed to really understand it—that would imply that all of these things are concepts to be “figured out” and thus turned into something predictable.

You know what’s not predicable? Having a bad day and then bumping into someone who brightens it for an hour and half. Trying to trust someone who has done things which are really untrustworthy. Finding a connection with someone you wouldn’t expect and then realizing that three hours felt like three minutes. Realizing that someone else’s life experience turns out to be just the thing you needed to hear.

The beauty of unpredictability is that it entails not only the possibly horrendous but also the stupendously marvelous occurrence that makes you stop and think, “I wasn’t expecting that!”

I don’t know what the moral of this tale is, but I don’t have to know…..yet.
—I mean, I can remain confident that some things, including morals, aren’t going to be understood.

Hello, Grey Area! My name is Jchoc.