I'm going to call this, "Title"

The more of life I begin to see, the more I don’t want to necessarily be a part of it. Not in a “give me awesomeness or give me death!” kind of way, but I think it’s like a separate-from-it kind of way. I don’t know if you’ll get what I’m saying so I’ll try some examples. There’s this spot way out where I like to hang out. There’s a neighborhood on the edge of street and the sun sets with the city right behind the line of houses. Sometimes when I just sit there, I see cars coming out of driveways or around the curve of the road and I wonder where they’re going. Maybe they went to pick up something at the store, or are picking up their kids, or maybe they’re going to meet some friends. I imagine them in their cars in their own little 4-wheel subcompact world speeding off to the next appointment on the planner. When I see the same cars come back, it just solidifies in my mind that they did go on some necessary trek to further their life. They got that gallon of milk, they got the kids waiting impatiently on the curb at school, and the party was fun. Everything was great and it worked out. But you can only see that from the outside. That woman or guy in the car is only thinking about that destination, that met goal, or that planned function. Nothing else really matters because it is so necessary to complete that task in order to keep going with the flow of his or her little square of universe. For some reason, I want out. It’s like bouncing in between a line segment with the two ends keeping that infinite ray in place. Or like running madly on a hamster wheel and being in the same place. Or traveling around the world in 80 days and ending right back where you started. It’s a loop, a small bubble, and a box. This all sounds silly, I know, because there’s no way to “get out” of the world. I didn’t want to be an escapist, but it looks like the only way to see what's really going on is to be outside of it. Do you ever truly go anywhere inside of a glass ball? I don’t see how you can. Can you go anywhere else? I wonder too if there is an anywhere else. I don’t know, I just like looking. Being that dude leaning over the fish tank at the all the little fishies swimming, their brains concentrating on getting to the other end of the glass wall enclosing their watery home. Eh, I don’t know if it’s even possible to get out. It’s all one big box. And that’s disappointing.

And what’s frustrating too is that I wonder if God made me this way for a reason…

-J-J-J-Jaychoc! (yo)